The start of letting it all out.........

Well, today has been a good day so far. I just wish the sun would come out from behind all of the clouds and cheer everyone up! It seems like we haven't seen the sun in months...lol. I have been busy the last few days. Went to Nashville and seen my brother Adam. I took the girls and Jake with me and we all got to meet the band Paramore at Adam's radio station. That was pretty cool. I'm usually not into things like that, but I must say that I had a great time. I got to spend a few hours with the kids and that always makes me smile :) I have thought about my Dad the last few days. I miss him so much. I don't know if life will ever be the same without him and my father in law. I find myself sad alot and I visit the cemetery alot and talk to them both. They are buried close to each other so it's nice...I don't have to walk to far! I visit there a couple of times a month and I just sit and 'talk' to both of them. I always feel better when I leave. So much relief. I love going there, because I think it's very good for me, mentally, but in reality, I don't know what a shrink would think! lol. I miss them so much though, that's how I feel close to them...I feel like they are there listening to me. Maybe they are, maybe they aren't, but I will always continue to visit the graves, because I think of them so much every day that the pain that I carry builds up and when I go to the cemetery, it feels like a release. This weekend is going to be nice, so I would love to ride the motorcycle up there and let Dad 'see' it. haha. He loved that motorcycle so much. I don't think I could ever sell it without a clear conscious. He would probably haunt me if I did...lol. I miss him so much and I honestly never thought about him dying, until he did. I never thought about losing my Dad, hell, I never wanted to think about it. But I will say this, it has been the most pain that I have ever felt, and I hurt every minute of every day. I loved that man with every ounce of my being and the love I had for him will never fade. Well, as Forest Gump would say; thats all I have to say about that.