Better.........

Well, today has been a little better. Pretty busy but not as much stress. I can actually say that I feel good. I am learning to be a different person since the heart attack and my meds sometimes dictate what 'different' person I am becoming...lol. I have been the type of person to always hold my emotions inside and not talk about them to anyone until I blow up and do or say something stupid. That has changed a little since the heart attack. I am more easily angered and more quick tempered than before I think, and in some ways it is BAD and in some ways, I do see the good. I have to learn to manipulate the meds in working FOR me instead of against me. I have kept so many emotions built up inside of me that I think it is a good idea to vent to certain people about certain things. I am not perfect, Lord knows this, and I have never acted like I was. I have my own problems in life and I have my own demons to deal with, but I sure hate when people condemn me for things that they 'think' that I have done or said. I am a pretty easy guy to talk to and I would love if someone would ask me first instead of presuming that I am this person that I know I am not. Well anyway, the medicines are changing this...I am not scared to tell anyone how I feel anymore, no holding back anymore. It is about time that I stood up for myself and be a man. I may not become the man I want to be in a few short days, but I do have patience and I will wait it out. Some people may like the new me, some may not, but oh well, deal with it. I am so tired of people thinking that I will not defend myself or my family. That may have been true in the past to some degree, ONLY because I felt like I was being the bad guy. BUT NO MORE! I could care less what anyone thinks of me anymore. I am past that point. I love my wife and I love my kids and other members of my family that has stood by me in these difficult times the last few years. Like I said, I am not perfect, and I have made many, many mistakes, and for those mistakes, I will surely pay. Either by Karma or when my judgement day comes in front of my Lord and saviour. See, the weird thing is; I have never claimed to be perfect, but certain people that I have encountered along this journey called life think that they are. They are quick to condemn me and not look in the mirror. At least I am honest with myself. I do think that this blog is starting to be a little therapeutic, and I can say what is on my mind, and be truthful with myself about what I have been, what I am, and what I intend to be. maybe this will be the therapy that I have needed all along and maybe, just maybe.....it might help me.